My Journey to Solo Mum

I always knew I wanted to be a mother. It was never a question of if it was always when. When I was younger I imagined I would be like my parents, get married and pop out some children! As I got older and the right person never arrived (or came and went depending on what mood I'm in in lol) I knew I would still become a mum.

I assumed if I didn't find the right person I would consider IVF and do it that way. I began to see other single women around me going this route and I thought I would get to my late 30's and that when I would start planning for this.

In 2013 however I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. This sent me in to a total spin and I had to re adjust the way I lived and functioned and find an equilibrium that l would enable me to live a "normal life"

Pregnancy then took a new meaning. To be pregnant and take the medication I was on was not an option for me. It felt like I would be going in to parenthood at a deficit and would be tired and in pain before I even started the parenting journey.

It was also at this point that I slowly began to realise that I had not desire to be pregnant. I know that sounds bonkers coming from someone who always wanted t be a mum. Pregnancy, for me was just a means to an end and not a desire in itself.

It was also around this time that I was working with children who were in long term foster care. It coincided with a series of programs on channel 4 about adoption. This gave me a new prespective on a route to motherhood I had never considered.

A few years later on Boxing Day evening I remember googling adoption and who could adopt. I did it in silence and didn't mention it to anyone as was a little worried about the reaction I would get.

After a lot of research I felt that adoption was a route I could do. At this point I mentioned it to my mum and initially the reaction was less than positive but I was expecting it. I didn't feel ready to push forward with it, still feeling too young to be a mum! I was 38!

Anyway I shelved the idea until 2020 and life took a turn for all of us! I was home alone and had a lot of time to think about life and what I wanted. It was at this point the plan started to take shape.

I started to set the wheels in motion to get ready for adoption. This time when I talked to my Mum she was a lot more accepting and had seen how hard I found people around me having children and not knowing if I would ever get that.

I signed up for a question and answer session online and Mum sat in with me. This was in March 2022 and I am sat here in early 2024 with my soon to be officially adopted daughter sleep in her cot.

The process to get to this point has been tough and wonderful and everything in between. I want to share what I have learnt in this blog in a hope that other people in a similar position might find some helpful information or support in these pages. I'm also excited to share where this Solo Mum journey takes me next and that I get to share it with my girl!